Questions
What kind of person do you think I was when you met me for the first time?
Was there a moment where your perception of me shifted significantly?
If I’m graduating from high school, what do you think students or my friends will remember me for?
Do you think I’ve influenced you in any way? If so, how has it happened?
What do you think I brought into this group or community that might not have been there otherwise?
What do you think my biggest strength is? And does it ever become a weakness?
Friend
Me: Okay, thank you so much for your time. I’d like to ask you a few questions about my legacy and how you have been perceived from different perspectives. Okay, let’s get started. First question: What kind of person did you think I was when you first met me?
Friend: Okay, so basically, I thought you were a very introverted person at first because I saw you sitting alone by yourself, and you seemed to really enjoy spending time alone. So you seemed like a kind of “mind your own business” person.
Me: Alright, thank you so much. I’m so glad to hear that. Since you mentioned that I looked pretty introverted at first, I’m also curious what gave you that impression. Was it from my first look, or was there something specific that made you think that?
Friend: It was kind of from your first look and what you were doing, because you looked a bit intimidating, kind of depressed, and you were also trying to do things on your computer by yourself. So you seemed kind of introverted.
Me: Okay, thank you. Question number two: Was there a moment where your perception of me shifted significantly?
Friend: Yes. It was when we were talking during study hall. I talked to you, and you were actually really talkative, and that changed how I felt. You did not seem as introverted as I first thought. Basically, you were a really kind friend, and you shared your thoughts and emotions really freely. You also gave a lot of good advice. So when I first talked to you, my perception changed.
Me: Oh, really? Yeah. I really appreciate that. Anyway, thank you for sharing that. I would like to ask: was it a specific moment, or was it more of a gradual change?
Friend: It was more of a gradual change.
Me: Okay, next question. If I am graduating from high school, what do you think students or my friends will remember me for?
Friend: I think students will probably remember you as a really interesting person, because even though you do not talk a lot, you have a lot of great ideas.
Me: Oh, thank you. So let me just ask this: do you think I have influenced you in any way? If so, how has that happened?
Friend: You influenced me by telling me not to care so much about what other people think. There was a time when I felt really bad, and when I talked to you, you told me not to care so much about how other people saw me. That influenced me a lot.
Me: I see. Do you think that influence has lasted, or was it just temporary?
Friend: I feel like that influence has lasted, because it made me more confident.
Me: Thank you for sharing that. I want to ask something related: what do you think I brought into this group or community that might not have been there otherwise?
Friend: I think you brought really thoughtful ideas into this group, and those might not have been there otherwise, especially because you do not usually talk that much.
Me: Okay, last question of this interview. What do you think my biggest strength is, and does it ever become a weakness?
Friend: I feel like your biggest strength is being really patient with other people and giving them really great advice. I do not think it becomes a weakness, because you are always trying to help other people and give thoughtful advice. So no, I would not say it is a weakness. I think it is a very kind trait.
Me: Alright, that is it. Thank you again for your time. I really appreciate your answers. See you have a nice day.
Family
What kind of person did you think I was very young?
I treated her unfairly, e.g., I paid her money to let her buy stuff from Family Mart (as a deliverer), but I usually paid her very little.
[Follow up] Is there any perception other than this? Like, what is the most direct feeling of you toward me？
I was a bit naughty and usually got condemned by my parents. Once, I had a conflict with my classmates, and my parents were called to a meeting with the teachers at school.
Was there a moment where your perception of me shifted significantly?
I used to treat everybody the same, but currently not. E.g., When I play video games with others, I have different moods.
Was it a specific moment, or was it more of a gradual change?
Sudden change. Because I sometimes shift mood when playing games?
[Follow up] What value did I ever bring to this family?
Because I’m getting into college, my parents will be proud of me.
So you think I have influenced you in any way? If so, how has that happened?
She thinks I was not a competent brother because she feels like others’ brother are nicer to them. (But this was not related to the question)
What do you think my biggest strength is, and does it ever become a weakness?
I got several achievements before, so I was smart.
[Follow up] Did that ever influence you in any way?
My parents sometimes encourage her to get the same achievements as I did.
Analysis
Overall, neither interview surprised me, but together they have given me a clearer and more holistic picture of how I interact with others. They both capture my current relationship with others from different angles, while the friend’s interview was from a 14-year-old student in this school, whom I have known for only 4 months, meanwhile, the family interview was from my 15-year-old younger sister, who knows me as soon as she remembers things, and who shows the contrast between me now and then.
The first thing I noticed was my current social pattern. When I asked my friend about my first impression, she said, “Okay, so basically, I thought you were a very introverted person at first because I saw you sitting alone by yourself, and you seemed to really enjoy spending time alone.” However, when I asked her about a significant shift in my perception, she answered, “Yes. It was when we were talking during the study hall. I talked to you, and you were actually really talkative, and that changed how I felt. You did not seem as introverted as I first thought.” This difference was not accidental, as the introverted side was with relative strangers, but the more talkative side was when I got closer to someone. My sister’s observation aligns with this point precisely as well, as written in my field notes, “I used to treat everybody the same, but currently not. E.g., When I play video games with others, I have different moods.” She didn’t say that directly, but it can be inferred that I am treated differently when I play multiplayer games. One difference is that the friend mentions that “It was more of a gradual change,” but my sister said the complete opposite, “Sudden change. Because I sometimes shift mood when playing games.” In my opinion, it might be because my sister’s perspective was more like a third person’s view, so her perception of me was not consistent, while the friend‘s own perception was more gradual, and so she realized this slow progressive transformation.
Another point would be that my influence lasted, which was so different from family members and friends. My friend states, “I feel like your biggest strength is being really patient with other people and giving them really great advice.” This could be mutually supported by another sentence she said: “You influenced me by telling me not to care so much about what other people think.” From this, I could tell that I do support friends more with emotions, so there’s more development of values or personal identities between them. The one from my sister was different, as she didn’t mention any emotional support to her, but “My parents sometimes encourage her to get the same achievements as I did.” Even beyond that, there’s no vulnerable thing exposed in her voice; the only things she mentioned were “Because I’m getting into college, my parents will be proud of me” and similar superficial events, which means that I don’t talk or share my thoughts with my family. My sister is one example, and my parents would probably be stronger cases. This is abnormal to regular people because people usually have more connections with families, but I’m the opposite, as I show achievement benchmarks more with families, while having more genuine emotional impacts on friends.